Our feelings are our emotional compass—How to return home to ourselves during difficult times?

Some of us may relate emotionally to life. In many ways, our emotional state sets the tone and determines our overall relationship with life. Often the relationships we have with family and friends may provide us with a sense of safety and stability that can ground us during difficult times. Good relationships are like a safe harbour in a storm. They play a significant role by providing us with connection and emotional support. When we are loved and accepted for who we are, we feel safe and we feel we belong. 

Are you aware of your emotional state?

However, we may not always have a loved one we can rely on. During these times, we owe it to ourselves to be our own best friend and to witness our own feelings with compassion and kindness. Just like our bodily sensations, our emotions contain powerful wisdom that provide clues—they guide us back to our center when we feel lost.

Emotions can manifest in many ways and the easiest way to recognise them is through awareness of our bodily sensations. A quicken pulse, intense sweating or even relaxed muscle tone are clues that reflect our emotional state. Here are a few common ones that we often feel day-to-day. 

Pixar’s five core emotions

The Pixar movie, Inside Out, talks about the five core emotions—fear, anger, joy, disgust and sadness—and their story. In an intellectual world that often minimises emotions, prioritising IQ over EQ, Pixar manages to humanise them and highlight the profound wisdom that they offer. Fear functions as a signal for danger and tells us to move out of harm’s way. Anger appears when our boundaries are crossed or when our needs are not met. Sorrow withdraws us and helps us go within for healing after painful experiences. Joy tells us that life is worth living in this very moment. 

We may feel one emotion at a time or we can feel multiple emotions at the same time. Sometimes the emotions contradict each other, like when we feel the bittersweetness of being happy and sad at the same time. Other times, they reinforce and support each other, like when we feel happy and excited. Indeed, emotions are powerful forms of energy that support us in our daily lives while providing valuable insights into our inner state as well as our environment. They manifest within us as an intuitive response to our experiences. 

Can we witness our feelings with kindness?

Often, instead of allowing them to exist in our space, we justify our feelings to control and avoid discomfort. For example, if we fall off our bicycle and hurt ourselves, we may chide ourselves for being stupid and dumb, that adults shouldn’t fall off bicycles.

When we rationalise how we feel using the words, “should, have to, ought to”, we are not allowing our emotions to exist as they are—we are judging them. However emotions are simply what they are; they contain powerful energy that resists being controlled. Just like a dam that is too full of water, our emotional reservoir will burst if filled to the brim. 

So instead of fighting or controlling our discomfort, sorrow and pain, what if we learned to be our own best friend by holding space and witnessing our feelings with the same kindness that we would do for a friend? Can we listen and get curious about what it is trying to communicate with us?

Our emotions are an invitation to get curious

The scientific Law of the conservation of energy states that energy is never created or destroyed, only transformed from one state to another. In much the same way, our different states of emotions manifest as a response to things that happen in our lives; shifting and changing throughout the day. Sometimes these shifts can be very intense and overwhelming, especially to someone who is not used to navigating them.

By connecting our emotional state to our direct experiences—for example our muscles may tense up when we meet a certain person or our heart races in alarm when we step into a place—we gain intuitive insight and understanding of the situation and become empowered to make informed decisions in our best interests. Rather than rejecting them, we embrace them as they are and get curious about what it’s trying to tell us. Other times, when we feel joyous feelings of ease and comfort, we know we are in the right space and should continue what we are doing. 

Opening up a dialogue with ourselves

Being receptive to our feelings opens up an intimate dialogue with ourselves and helps us connect them to our external experiences. This connection enables us to respond to situations with a sense of ownership rather than impulsive reactivity. When we approach our feelings with kindness and acceptance, we cultivate a sense of trust and reliance on ourselves, knowing that we are there to support and nurture our own well-being. We learn to embrace emotions as our guiding compass in navigating life’s complexities, rather than as something uncomfortable that needs to be controlled. Working with our emotions as an intimate partner can empower and guide us back to ourselves when we get lost, as we often do in this chaotic world.

But more importantly, tapping into the enduring wisdom of emotions can help us live grounded and connected lives. In a society that often values rational thinking while dismissing emotions as mere "drama" fit for television shows, it is important to recognise that there is no inherent right or wrong when it comes to our feelings. Having the courage to meet our emotions with curiosity, kindness and compassion means we learn to develop a deep sense of safety and trust within ourselves, knowing that even if our world is a complete mess, we have got our own backs. 

And while your job can be taken away, your relationship may fail, this emotional groundedness is something that no one can take away from you.