The home stretch; thoughts and reflections
The route from Singapore to Chiang Mai. It was a total of 2,700km one way or 5,400km return, 900km of which I took a cargo train.
Route: Penang to Singapore
Distance: 675km
Time: 10 hrs
Thoughts: The total duration of my entire trip was almost one month. Most of the roads in Thailand were easy to navigate. Even the small roads were relatively well-maintained. Road etiquette is easy-going in Thailand but more aggressive in Malaysia. Regular tyres work well and there is no need to swap them for off-road wheels. I used a road racing tyre, Bridgestone Battleax S23. There is also no need to pay for tolls in Malaysia or Thailand for motorbikes. I often stop at the roadside whenever needed.
I spent the next few days recuperating in my cousin’s home on Penang island and visiting family. The last time I visited Penang must have been more than a decade ago. For some reason, I never quite have the urge to go for a visit. That is not to say that I don’t care about the other side of my family, but as someone who lives almost purely on instinct, I ride the flow of life, going wherever it takes me. Penang was never quite on the cards for me.
Still I was welcomed with open arms and hailed as a courageous adventurer. I often hear people describe me with the words, “strong, brave, courageous” but somehow, it’s not what I think of myself. I prescribe to the idea that what people think about us, is really a reflection of themselves, that if they had the capacity to think I was strong, brave and courageous, it must mean the same exists inside them. I am simply a mirror; my actions and behaviour merely draw out what is preexisting within them. For this reason, it makes me smile whenever I hear people describe me as such. And if the entire purpose of my life was to be the catalyst that draws out these feelings in people, then it would be a life worth living.
After three days of gorging on Penang’s delectable fare, I finally decided to set off for home. The return is an easy 10 hour ride, inclusive of a few toilet breaks. The long, mundane roads stretched into the distance and gave me the space I needed to reflect on my trip. As I crossed the Penang bridge onto the mainland of Malaysia, I thought back to my first post where I wrote this line, “I’m just in that space of wondering why the hell I’m doing another road trip… Yet, the seasoned adventurer knows that the discovery is in the journey.”.
This journey was never really about the miles travelled—I think it was simply an opportunity to meet myself in between the spaces of life, in the nooks and crannies where the most unexpected and beautiful things exist, ones that cannot be discovered in the certainty and predictability of daily life. From the first border crossing to the last goodbye, my journey unfolded in layers, each one peeling back a different part of me, revealing aspects of myself I had forgotten. For others, it might be the first time they are meeting themselves but for me, it was more a rediscovery of an old, familiar friend.
I thoroughly enjoyed the challenge of riding through Bangkok’s peak hour traffic, recalling the great satisfaction I feel whenever I make sense of mess. I met the treacherous floods head on with fond anticipation, remembering that I thrive in adversity. Most of all, I leave each place knowing that the winding roads will one day whisper stories of beautiful connections with people and memories that were made.
There were days of effortless joy where the air smelled like freedom and the sun painted my skin gold. But there were also days of exhaustion where I wondered if I was chasing something that could never be caught. Yet, when it came to the crunch I just knew that the winding roads only asked for one thing in return—trust, both in myself and in the journey.
In a world that constantly tries to confine us to structure, rules and regulations, freedom becomes not a destination but a space that we create within us. It is the willingness to listen to the call of the wild, to embrace the moment and to understand that whatever we seek is already found within ourselves. If at any point I felt helpless, I only needed to trust that I can navigate through the trials that come my way—floods or not—and that come what may, I will survive, just like I have done many times over.
Most important of all, I remember that kindness exists in this world, that even though life has shown me nothing but ugliness and pain these last few years, little pockets of hope, love and joy do exist in between the spaces. I see it in the unabashed smiles of people I meet on the roads, the gifts I was given and the stories we shared. I had forgotten it in all the mess but now I remember once more.
Even though I speak casually about helping the world around me, I realised it was never about people. It has always been and ever will be, about being my best self, that despite all obstacles and pain, that no matter how ugly a face the world shows me, I would make that choice, over and over again, to always love and to shine as brightly as I can, in every moment of every day, committing and recommitting to be the most loving, kindest, authentic, joyful and free-spirited individual I can be. Oh and of course, to be unapologetically so.
How could I have forgotten this most important main quest in life? Why else are we alive anyway if not to be the best we can be?
As my 5,400km road trip to Thailand comes to an end, I hold this reaffirmation close to my heart, and with a renewed sense of purpose, I turn to face life square in the face once more, looking forwards to my next journey.