Saying no to things that don’t serve you

In the hustle and bustle of life, things move so fast that we may not always have time to slow down and breathe. Everything vies for our attention, not just the commercial ads telling you what you need to buy, family and friends expecting your attention but also a hundred and one responsibilities to attend to. When things become as busy as this, it is natural to get into the mindset of solving things and ticking tasks off a to-do list. Sometimes we even say yes to people when we really want to say no.

Reconnecting to one’s daily purpose in life

While being organised is a great way to handle daily life responsibilities, it can also easily become mechanical, losing sight of its truer purpose. Responsibility and organisation are tools to help us facilitate life so we are able to live the life that we want. At the same time, they shouldn’t be the main aim of life itself. How can a tool be the sole reason for daily living? Remind yourself to take a moment to slow down and breathe. This is a really important but often neglected act in times of busyness. This little momentary break helps to loosen the tension that we otherwise may not even notice we’re in. That’s when we make space for ourselves to discover what we’re feeling inside; most of what we feel can be easily dismissed by things we think we should be doing.       

Making time and space to discover

Yes, for at least eight hours a day, we are working hard on our careers. Some of us work even longer hours. While it is important to be hard working and disciplined, one shouldn’t forget that discipline also includes taking care of ourselves. We have been trained by life to be responsible for things like our environment, our career, our families and so on, but seldom do people talk about being responsible for ourselves. How can we be responsible for anything else if we are not able to be responsible to ourselves first and foremost? Set aside some time everyday for a quiet moment where you can go into yourself and explore your feelings; perhaps think about what happened that day, thoughts about the future, your dreams, what makes you happy. A short period of time like 15 minutes a day can do wonders. Meditation, journaling and even day dreaming are great introspective activities that can connect us to our hearts, reminding us and anchoring us to what’s truly important, amidst the routine of daily life. 

Choosing to honour what’s important

As one begins to get in touch with what’s important, choices will start to appear. These choices can be confronting at worst and contradicting at best. How much do you push yourself at work and how much do you set time for leisure activities? Do you help a loved one in place of your own down time? What about going out partying with friends when you are tired? There is always a reason to do something other than what we want or even need. Those reasons can seem really important and sometimes even justifiable. Yet, everything is a balance and being an act of balance, it is about meeting in the middle. You control this balance with every decision you make. 

Balancing and regulating

Sometimes, it’s not necessarily saying no to things but more about pacing the intensity of one’s actions. If you worked hard today, then balance it by going easy on yourself tomorrow. Or set a time every evening where you will stop work. Discipline is important, otherwise one runs the risk of a burn out. We only have a certain amount of time and energy everyday. Learning to respect this and listening to our bodies is the beginning of joyous living. Our respect for ourselves will be returned to us in the form of a healthier, happier body, heart and mind. If we push ourselves beyond our limits, then it will be returned to us in a debt of pains, illnesses and exhaustion.

It’s okay to say no

In our society where we are trained to be agreeable people, it can be hard to say no to people. So we end up saying yes a lot of the times when we don’t wish to. The truth is, for everything that we say yes to, we are saying no to something else. That something else could be important to us. Putting ourselves first and saying no to something that doesn’t work for us, is okay and perfectly within our right to do so. In fact, it is even our responsibility to do so. Who else except us is going to take care of our own needs?

Ultimately, we are responsible for ourselves, our space, our feelings and our needs. We are also in control of our own boundaries, our balance and our happiness. Having clarity of what we are saying yes (and no) to, greatly empowers us to take ownership of the decisions we make every day. It becomes a choice we make and the power is in our hands. 

Choose wisely. Everyday is a choice.